Physical abuse

Physical abuse (violence) can include pushing, hitting, punching, kicking, choking and using weapons.

Verbal abuse

Verbal abuse is the use of harsh or insulting language directed at a person. You might be called names or constantly put down by your partner.

Emotional abuse

Emotional abuse or coercive control is the act of repeatedly making someone feel bad, intimidated or scared. This can include threatening or controlling behaviour (such as controlling or withholding finances), blackmailing, constantly criticising or checking up on someone, or playing mind games.

Coercive control is now a criminal offence under the Serious Crime Act 2015.

Mental abuse

Psychological or mental abuse is when someone is subjected or exposed to a situation that can result in psychological trauma, including anxiety, depression or post-traumatic stress disorder.

Sexual abuse

Sexual abuse is when you’re forced or pressured to have sex without your consent (rape), unwanted sexual activity, touching, groping or being made to watch pornography.

Most people will experience some difficulties in their relationships, but to know whether a relationship is abusive you should look at how the behaviour of your partner or family member makes you feel. If you feel intimidated, controlled or unable to speak out, that’s abuse.

Here are some signs you might be in an abusive relationship — you can read more in our guide to recognising the signs of domestic abuse.

• Your partner criticises you and makes you doubt yourself. You might start believing that you’re unattractive, or lucky to have a partner at all.
• You feel anxious and stressed in your partner’s presence. You worry about how your partner might react and this makes you change your behaviour (like staying in more) to avoid arguments with them.
• You feel intimidated and scared of your partner when they get angry — their behaviour might be unpredictable or aggressive.
• You’re made to feel guilty and not given the freedom to do things you want to do. Your partner might control you by telling you who you can and can’t see, or emotionally blackmail you.

Last year police recorded 464,886 cases of domestic abuse in England and Wales — an increase of 10% on the previous year (ONS Crime Survey for England and Wales, year ending March 2017).

13.6% of men and 26.3% of women aged 16 to 59 have experienced domestic abuse since the age of 16 (ONS Crime Survey for England and Wales, year ending March 2016).

Living in an abusive home or with parents who are in an abusive relationship can have a serious impact on a child’s wellbeing.

Some of the indicators of children witnessing or experiencing domestic violence can include:

• aggressive or angry behaviour
• becoming withdrawn
• getting into trouble or difficulty settling at school
• anxiety, depression or eating disorders
• taking drugs or excessively drinking alcohol
• problems sleeping, including nightmares or wetting the bed.

If you’re worried a child is being abused, you can contact Victim Support for help. We can provide confidential support and information to parents, carers and teachers, as well as supporting children through our service for young people, You & Co.

Domestic abuse can have a significant impact on your emotional wellbeing, as well as sometimes affecting other relationships and your ability to live your life as you’d want to.

Everyone reacts differently but some of the effects of domestic abuse include:

• depression
• fear, anxiety and panic attacks
• loneliness or isolation
• a lack of confidence or self-esteem
• feelings of guilt or self-blame
• experiencing difficulties at work or in your other relationships
• trouble sleeping.

It’s important to remember that all of these reactions are normal and this is not your fault — only your abuser is to blame for their behaviour.

Whether you decide to report domestic abuse to the police is completely up to you.

The police are trained to respond effectively to survivors of domestic abuse. If you’re not sure that you want to report the crime, you can talk to a victims’ organisation like Victim Support, and we can explain the options available to you and help you come up with a safety plan.

If you decide not to report the abuse, you can still get confidential support.

Find out more about the legal orders that protect survivors of domestic abuse.

If you’re in an abusive relationship or have experienced domestic abuse in the past, we can help you move forward with free and confidential support. You can contact us at any time, no matter how long ago the abuse took place, and we’ll support you for as long as you need.

We’ll help you think through your options and come up with a plan to put safeguards and support in place for you and your family.

Whatever you decide, we’ll be here to support you throughout your journey.

Contact us for help.

• 24-Hour Domestic Violence Helpline
• Refuge
• Women’s Aid
• Galop — support for LGBT victims
• Men’s Advice Line
• Rape Crisis
• Iranian & Kurdish women’s Rights organisation (BME organisation on forced marriage, honour-based violence and FGM)
• Southall Black Sisters (forced marriage, honour-based violence)
• Karma Nirvana (support for FGM)
• Forward (support for FGM)
• Deafhope — UK sign language service to help deaf women and children who are victims of domestic abuse
• NSPCC
• Respect — UK membership organisation for work with domestic violence perpetrators, male victims and young people
• Paladin — support for victims of stalking in England and Wales