All relationships are different. There isn’t such a thing as a ‘normal’ relationship, but there are healthy relationships and unhealthy relationships. If you feel unsafe or recognise any of the negative signs below, take action.

We support all survivors of domestic abuse, regardless of whether the abuse has been reported or when it took place. Our support services are free, confidential and available to anyone who has experienced domestic violence. Contact us for support.

Signs of a healthy relationship

  • They always treat me with respect, no matter where we are or who we’re with.
  • They’re proud of me when I achieve something.
  • They encourage me to keep trying with things I find hard.
  • They’re comfortable with me spending time away from them, with family and other friends.
  • They try to do some of the things I like, such as sports, cinema and music.
  • They respect me when I say no or disagree.
  • They can talk about their feelings with me.
  • They don’t cheat on me, and trust me not to cheat on them.
  • They listen to me when we disagree and try to see my point of view.
  • They give me compliments and say positive things about me to others.
  • They have friends and interests of their own.
  • They don’t rush our relationship; we can take it slow.
  • They ask my opinion when deciding important things that affect us both.

  • They make threats and do things just to scare me.
  • They put me down just to make me feel bad when we’re alone or around friends.
  • They make me do things that I don’t want to do without listening to me.
  • They make me feel guilty if I don’t spend time with them.
  • They don’t try to get on with my friends or family.
  • They hit, slap or push me.
  • They look through my phone, social media or web history.
  • They want to know where I am all the time.
  • They cheat on me or accuse me of cheating on them.
  • They steal from me or make me buy them things.
  • They make me have sex when I don’t want to.

All relationships are different and depending on your own individual situation, you may need specialist help and support.

Relationships impact on us a lot. It’s really important if you’re beginning to feel unsafe that you look at what’s causing it.

How do you know if you’re feeling unsafe?

Here are some early warning signs:

  • You’re becoming a lot more critical of yourself — thinking you are stupid or fat or very lucky to have a partner.
  • You give up on your own opinions and think your partner is right about everything.
  • You’re feeling more stressed or worried all the time; you feel nauseous or have bad butterflies. Sometimes stress can also stop us eating and sleeping properly, or cause us to have headaches.
  • You have that ‘dreaded’ feeling more often.
  • You’re scared of how your partner will react to a situation.
  • You avoid saying something because you don’t want to upset your partner.
  • You feel scared when your partner is angry because you can’t predict their behaviour.
  • You’re feeling a pressure to change who you are or move the relationship further than you want to.
  • You feel like you’re walking on eggshells.
  • You’re staying in more and seeing less of family and friends to avoid arguments with your partner.

There are lots of different reasons why people stay in abusive relationships.

You might feel frightened to leave, as you worry that the person abusing you will try and stop you, and become even more violent. You might also rely on the person abusing you for practical or financial support, or you worry about losing your home and access to your children. You may enjoy the good times you have with them and keep hoping it won’t happen again.

Never forget that it is a crime for someone you know to abuse you in your own home or anywhere else — whether they are your partner, a family member or someone you share your home with. Whatever the person abusing you might say, physical and emotional violence like this is never your fault.

Nobody has the right to abuse you in this way. You may be made to feel responsible and guilty for the abuse, but the source of the problem is the abuser, not you.

If you recognise any of the early warning signs in your relationship then there are people who can listen and help you decide your next steps. You might not want or feel able to end your relationship at the moment, but it’s important that you get help to end the abuse. Without intervention, it’s unlikely that the abuse will stop on its own.

There are many ways that you can ask for help and you don’t always need to report to the police. These could include:

  • A trusted family member or friend – remember they might not react in the way you expect as they’re not trained in domestic abuse. However, getting the support of a friend to go with you to a specialist agency can be an important first step.
  • Victim Support. We’re independent of the police and here to support you for as long as it takes. Call or email our free Supportline to talk to us in confidence or contact your local Victim Support team.
  • Domestic violence helpline – this is a 24-hour confidential helpline where you can talk anonymously and ask for general information, advice and guidance.
  • Other domestic violence organisations